spamfriedrice

A letter to George

2008-10-15T22:21:15Z

George,
I don't think anyone is ever ready for the loss of a good friend. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye or to tell you how much I appreciated and loved you. You were one of my first friends in Washington, DC in 2001. I remember meeting you when I started volunteering for a local Asian American theater production. I can't remember the play. It was pretty mediocre, but I remember meeting you and feeling relieved that I finally met someone I could just be myself with, and just be goofy with in DC.

You helped me get acclimated to DC and to meet more people, so I wouldn't feel so lonely. When you found out when my birthday was, you put together a little dinner for me telling me that no one should pass a birthday without celebrating some how. Dinner was at Penang in Bethesda. It was my first taste of Malaysian food. It was also the night that the Patriots beat Oakland to go on to the Superbowl in 2002. [By the way, Brady's arm was in forward motion!]. I remember you drove that night, and as we careened down Rock Creek Parkway at about 75 mph (that was one crazy ride!), I mentioned that you were driving a little fast in that rickety Saab of yours. You just told me, "Don't worry, I drive down this road like this all the time." It was one of your favorite things in DC. Then you told me how you once got pulled over, but you got out of the ticket just by being yourself! You told me, "All you have to do is be respectful. The cops just want to know that you know you're in the wrong." I'm still amazed by how you got away with going 70+ in a 45 mph zone. Even the police officer fell in love with you!

You would invite me to help you out with the APA Film Festival, your baby. Always modest, you rarely let on that you started the APA Film Festival in DC. In a town full of stiff suits you were able to do the impossible and get a film festival started. It still goes on today. Back then you were still a forensics scientist for the military. I made fun of you for working for "the man." When I'd ask you what exactly you did for the military, you'd tell me, "If I told you, I'd have to kill you." And we'd laugh, but then you'd talk to me about your dreams of leaving the science world and DC (You hated it!) to go into the arts full time somewhere in California. I thought it would be awesome if you did, but secretly I wondered if you really would. But you were the first to point out shooting stars to me (I'd never seen shooting stars before)... in Arlington, VA of all places, so I figured you could probably do anything.

And you did. You left DC, not long after I left, for San Diego to work part-time for the San Diego Asian Film Festival and eventually full time in arts management and community activism. You invited me down to hang out with you at the Festival in 2003. It was probably one of the best times I've ever had. It was crazy fun, and I was happy to see that you really seemed happy. You had found the community you were looking for, and you were contributing to the growth of AAPI film. The AAPI film world is definitely missing you... organizer, producer, promoter.

After DC we rarely saw each other. You lived in San Diego. I lived in the Bay area or LA. I'd come down occasionally for conferences, the festival, and other things. You were always gracious in showing me around San Diego, especially to all the good eats. My first fish taco was with you. You brought me to Super Cocina, where I learned that Mexican food wasn't just tacos and burritos. You were especially excited to share that Super Cocina was a community-based restaurant, teaching recent immigrant women from Latin America how to run a restaurant. The women, you told me, would cook what they would cook at home. You always wondered out loud everytime we were there, "Why can't we Asians get it together and help each other out too?"

You were always gracious at every festival with me. On the AAPI festival circuit, you were something of a mover and shaker. You'd get me VIP passes for them, so I could see all the hottest movies with you and go to all the VIP events and meet the stars. In San Francisco, you let me crash with you at the Miyako at the SFIAFF in 2004. You were there for my first date with Sid. You were one of those friends who, even though we weren't in communication all the time, was always there. No matter how much time had passed it was like no time had passed. So much so, that you were the only guy friend I had that made Sid just a little bit jealous. I guess it was because the way you and I got along... it made other people feel kinda left out, but hey... we rarely saw each other and when we did we'd have to make up for lost time. You were the only person who could say the wackest of wack political stuff and I wouldn't get mad. I knew you were joking and wanted to get a rise out of me... and most times you did... but that was you. You had the craziest sense of humor. Can't believe you still have a Friendster profile. Did I corrupt you? :)

Thank you for always encouraging me in my endeavors, being silly with me to remind me never to be too serious, picking me up when I was down, being an activist, inspiring community, being a fighter, and for having been in my life.

I miss you George Lin (1971-2008). I'll see you again some day, and we can make up for lost time again. Rest in peace friend.

i love running by the beach

2007-12-20T04:28:39Z

so cal needs rain.... i know this. but the last day of rain had me really gloomy. so today at about 11 a.m. when i saw the sun peak through i got into my gear and went out to santa monica.

when it gets rainy, the beach population changes. homeless people and movie stars. also, the homeless get suddenly very bold. it was nice to see the beach in a different light - kinda grey, kinda wet, sunlight piercing through. had my ipod blaring, but that didn't stop me from hearing one homeless guy ask me "what does ching chong mean?" and another one scream "go bruins!" and when i didn't reciprocate, he proceeded to scream "what!? go eat shit!"

then i saw paparazzi with their long lenses packing up so i wondered who had just ventured out to the empty beach. i guess it's a perfect time for celebs to be out right around the rains since so few people are out.

then i saw vince vaughn ride by on his bike next to some other guy. he stuck out like a sore thumb, wearing a nice pair of jeans with one leg rolled up and a nice blazer. huh? uhhh... ok.

as for the running progress, i guess i'm working back up again. i can finally do 3 miles w/o feeling like dying, but i still do the whole 4 minute job/30 second walk pattern. whatever, it gets the job done.

la is perfect for running in the winter. yay.

Norm Chow on campus today

2007-12-15T19:52:42Z

If UCLA Athletics has any brains, they'll hire Norm Chow as their next head football coach. Not only would Norm be the first Asian American head coach in NCAA football, he'd be amazing.

It's no coincidence that USC football has been on the decline since Norm left. Pete Carroll's ego is way too big to maintain dominance at USC. Those championships... lots of credit to Norm.

why i like los angeles

2007-12-12T03:06:19Z

after rain/snow the air clears and the sky turns from grey/slate blue to a bright blue. it's december 11 and i went running by the beach and then played on the swingset on the sand. i've been driving with my sun roof open even though other people are bundled up in 60 degree weather.

i'll be in la alone this holiday :-( but i'll try and make the best of it, and i'm happy that my mom is doing a-ok! but i miss her and i'm jealous that she gets to spend the holidays in hong kong.

so spoiled!

2007-12-10T19:35:25Z

last weekend i went to my friend D's bday get together at Little Temple in Silver Lake. I love Little Temple, especially the last time I was there - Beat Junkies (ALL OF THEM) were spinning. I was so excited to go back to Little Temple for some good beats and booty shaking.

Whoever they had spinning was pretty good, but... *sigh* just wasn't even close to Beat Junkies level. It was just rough between tracks at some points. I turned to T and said, "I dunno... I just can't dance to this! Out of 5 stars, I'd give 2.5." To which T said "SPOILED! You can't expect J ROCC everytime!"

*sigh* am I doomed?
Diagnosis coming... this Saturday is Methodology. Please DJ Phatrick come through for me!
Like a real junkie, I'm desparately looking to see when and where I can get my next hit of the Beat Junkies. Voila! Soled out Tuesdays!

what are racial microaggressions?

2007-12-07T07:01:21Z

my dissertation is about the hidden injuries of racism that asian americans bear. white supremacy operates on several levels. on one hand they create racial disparities in admissions and enrollment. in another way, white supremacy operates to create a culture that condones racial microaggressions.

what are these you ask?
i highly recommend this Boston Globe article. Interestingly I remember discussions and efforts to fight for a hate crime/bias incident protocol from when i was at Boston College.

Interestingly, I just received an email that BC is now going through a strategic planning process. what disappoints me (though not surprising) is that my alma mater does not include anything about racial/class disparities and how it as an institution will address these issues.

Go Eagles!

One thing I'll give to the UC, the strategic plan proposed has diversity integrated throughout as a foundation principle. Job well done? We'll see, but at least it's integrated into the strategic plan.

a story as old as marco polo

2007-12-07T05:43:00Z

we walked in for some laughs and drinks to celebrate the end of the quarter. i felt his eyes on me the moment we walked in. early middle-aged, slightly balding, white man wearing a tacky Christmas knit sweater. Later in the evening, after seeing out of the corner of my eyes that he was checking me out, he approached my friend N, who apparently had met him before.

N: This is my friend O.
chad/brad: What's your name?
me: O
chad/brad: Where are you from?
me: Massachusetts.
chad/brad: O doesn't sound like a name from Massachusetts... well I guess it could... be...
me: Why not?
[friends at the table except for N turn away giggling.]
chad/brad: (mutter)
[gets introduced to other people in the group]
chad/brad: (turns his attention back to me) So really, uhhhh, what's errrr your name? Korean? Chinese?
me: Chinese
chad/brad: well my name is Lee, and that can be a Chinese name but it's not.
me: uh-huh.

Turning to my friends, while N maintained a cordial conversation with chad/brad, I must have given J a look - the kind of look that must have said it all to a fellow Asian American who theorizes about Asian American-ness. That, my friends was what us Critical Race Theorists call a perfect example of a racial microaggression at the intersection of sexism. I also call it a fucked up, jacked up, lame ass typical white dude pathetically trying to make conversation ... bottom line: fucking pathetic and ridiculous.

random observations

2007-12-06T00:40:30Z

I'm officially a Ph.D. CANDIDATE! yay! that means I have completed All requirements But the Dissertation (ABD). YAY! one step closer to being what my mom calls a fake doctor.

It's winter in North America. Decor of snow flakes, pine trees, snowmen abound. Right before I left Hong Kong I noticed holiday decorations going up... snow flakes, snowmen, and other Christmas-y things... in a tropical climate??

Make up - I spend a lot of time putting on a lot of makeup but in a way that makes it look like I don't have any on at all. Strange.

TOP CHEF!!!!!!

2007-10-04T18:45:39Z

SPOILER ALERT...
******
ok Hung was hands down the BEST chef all season - consistency, skills, PASSION!

in addition to his mad skils... for me this goes beyond just ethnic pride for me. Hung Huynh is from Pittsfield, Mass. I grew up in Ludlow, Mass. (exit 7 on the Mass Pike). Pittsfield is exit 2 on the Pike.

All the haters can kiss my booty! People seem to forget that Top Chef! has never had a person of color win, but as caphe mentioned, i guess we don't count. Why is no one celebrating the color line being busted here? it was obvious bravo wanted the first woman chef to win. but COME ON! when have they had a person of color win?

On Hung's "arrogance." He knows his shit, and it's not just his training. I think haters think he's an asshole cuz he's not modest about his skills, and he has hella skills, and because he has a lot of PASSION for what he does. For Tom "i wanna sleep with casey" Colicchio and all the other people who think Hung ain't got heart... consider this. Hung wore his heart on his sleeve all season. With no filter on how bad he wanted to kick ass and do his best, ya'll thought he was some Asian robot with good training. Also, how many times have Asian Americans heard "you're technically really good, but you have no soul in your work"? WTF!
That was some racist ass shit dished by Tom "can i get in bed with casey?" Collicchio.
Alternatives to statement above:
*You have all the education and professional experiences required, but ther'es just something missing in your work.
*Technically you're really good, but you lack leadership.
*Dayam... put those Asians in a little office and get them to work... it's great.
*Bring some Coolies to work on this here railroad... but make sure no one knows they worked on it. Just let the Irish laborers in the Promontory Point picture.
(also see: Akeelah and the Bee for another similar representation of Asian American kids)

Maybe it was Hung's bad for not trying to play to the audience, but come on... this is NOT Top "I'm such a nice person" Chef, which woulda gone to Casey. Casey brought some skills in the last few weeks. Good for her, but man she bombed in this finale.
Nor was it Top "gay bff" Chef, which woulda gone to Dale. Dale has skills and he was my second favorite in the finals, but if you're gonna reward the best... that has to go to homie.

Note: in my mind Tre shoulda been in the finals, not Casey. He was a helluva lot more talented.

This is Top Chef! so how can people hate if Hung just smacked down every challenge that was thrown at him, and he didn't sweat it? Him finishing early several times, and not sweating adversities... that's just proof that he has mad talent and HEART for food. Also... it says something about growing up in W.MA. We had so much bullshit thrown our way... we can't sweat it. there's no time to sweat it. we're too busy busting our butts to get the f out.

Ever think that Hung wasn't a fan favorite cuz he didn't play the modest, bowing, deferential and quiet Asian eunuch? Maybe cuz Hung went against all the stereotypes and so didn't stay in his place people didn't like him. I do note, however, that after Tom "can i get some booty, casey" Colicchio basically told Hung that he hadn't seen the "real Hung" yet cuz Hung hadn't done much Viet food all season, that Hung did get edited in talking about his mama's food, which was listed all the time on the Bravo website. So, not only was he getting slammed for not having heart (bs claim #1) now he's getting slammed for not being asian enough (bs claim #2). Hung was trying to show how versatile a chef he was, which was something he articulated throughout the season. So was Hung playing to audience stereotypes of Asian refugee does good? Just a lil bit, but only when it came down to the line at the end and he had to pull out whatever it took. I think it was interesting strategy change. It was never about his cooking.

On Hung's confidence and passion for his work. Hung and I are from one of the craziest places in the country - Western m-ASS-achusetts. For Asian American kids to grow up in this mostly working class, white immigrant, high unemployment, surrounded-by-shut-down-mill-factories place, it ain't easy in the least. We want to get the f out of that place, and yea we'll bust our asses to do it. And when we do get out of that shit hole, it feels SOOOO GOOD! cuz people there are small minded, racist biatches that never wanted to see us brown people succeed.

Consider this... the hometown regional newspapers have not covered him at all this season till TODAY! And before that, on 10/2 they covered his family's law suit over a trucking company barreling into their restaurant and shutting it down. When he finally wins, they cover him in a story here. The Berkshire Eagle! not even the Springfield (closest semi-city) papers covered it. I'm even more convinced now that white folk in W. Mass just HATE when poc are able to get the fuck out of that hell hole! Casey Thompson was covered for the last few weeks by the Dallas Morning News. And 3 days ago was the first time w. MA papers covered Hung? and it's not even for his being on Top Chef!

Yes... I think that Asian Americans who grow up in W.Mass, make a decent name and living for themselves by getting the f' out of that place... We have a big ass boulder of a chip on our shoulders. Deal!

so... to sum up.
1. i didn't even go into Hung's cooking, cuz it was clearly the best.
2. racist bullshit critique to say Hung has no soul. (typical critique of talented asian ams)
3. you mistake Hung's arrogance for confidence, which was gained through years of using what he had to successfully get the f outa w.ma.

holy moly quake!

2007-09-02T17:56:12Z

i experienced my first earthquake (that i noticed) at 10:30 this morning!
yowza!

i was enjoying my coffee and reading a book on the couch, when it felt like the house moved. i initially thought someone had opened/slammed the door really hard, but i didn't hear anything other than the house creak. i realized it wasn't a door when duh... well my roomie is still asleep and no one else is around. then i immediately got on my computer, which took a while to get online, not normal. and looked up seismic activity, los angeles. as i was googling, T im'd me and asked "did you feel it"?

all was confirmed. i am no longer a quake virgin.

all this said... that ish is SCARY! especially when i realize tht when a quake hits i have no realization of what it is and i look around and wonder who opened/closed a door.

i snap you... in TWO!

2007-08-22T02:01:08Z

the next time i hear someone say any of the following:
*Oh... I'm taking a break right now (referring to post-college life/pre-grad school life)
*I took a break before coming back to school (referring again to post-college/pre-grad school)

I will snap you!
To me, by saying "I'm taking a break" you're degrading the important and valuable learning opportunities you have in LIFE outside of the ivory tower. I find it offensive to devalue and degrade the intense learning and growth one experiences when just trying to keep a roof over one's head and feeding oneself, while working to make ends meet.

Working in the community or in any context (in or out of school) on your mission/purpose in life = NOT A BREAK.

Actually, now that I really think about it, one never "takes a break" if you're in or out of school. You're not taking time "off" you're always ON. "Taking a break" to me means you go on a VACATION and you don't worry 'bout NOTHING. you are a French citizen and you are being paid for 6 months to go on a trip around the world... THAT is "taking a break" from life's responsibilities, from reality.

So next time you tell me, "I'm taking a break" you better have a plane ticket to travel the world and you better be paying for me to go too!

earthquake jitters

2007-08-17T06:10:03Z

in the last few weeks the san fernando valley (just north of me) has experienced a couple of minor earthquakes. with the massive quake in peru and a few others in alaska and japan lately, npr and other news sources are talking "earthquake".

what do i do in an earthquake??

weird

2007-08-15T17:34:02Z

it's way weird to think that people out there are reading my book review. hahaha. i get this report via email about how many downloads of my stuff has occured. this is what i got this morning.

yay! 24 people have read my stuff since i published my book review!

"Review: Consuming Citizenship: Children of Asian Immigrant Entrepreneurs
by Lisa Sun-Hee Park"
19 full-text downloads between 2007-07-19 and 2007-08-15
24 full-text downloads since date of posting (2007-07-09)

To encourage readership, simply refer people to the following web address:
http://repositories.cdlib.org/gseis/interactions/vol3/iss2/art9

review: akeelah and the bee

2007-07-28T17:33:02Z

i think caphe already reviewed this movie, but i can't remember if he liked it or not. but here's my take on it.

first... i'm moving to south LA (formerly known as south central) on monday, which is where Akeelah and the Bee is set. so it was exciting to see my new neighborhood in a movie.
second... grad school has ruined my ability to watch a movie about youth/learning/urban communities/schools, without applying/testing theory of some sort.

ok... first the non-nerd review: i loved the movie. it really brought out the beauty of my new neighborhood, the multiracial nature of the community, and the cultural wealth among the people. it showed how the 'burbs can be in some ways even more dysfunctional. dillon (hapa whiz kid with obsessed, driven immig. dad) could have been a more developed character. so could his dad... why was the dad sooo obsessed? instead, the film makers simply present the dad as an unforgiving freak dad... asian stereotype.

ok... nerd review...

...on youth resistance. Doug Atchison (film maker) does a wonderful job presenting the inequalities schools, just 2 years after the celebration of Brown v. Board of Education. Such a presentation is more important than ever, given the 2007 Supreme Court Decision to end race-consciousness in student assignment policies in addressing racial disparities and inequality. Crenshaw M.S. (really: John Adams M.S. in LAUSD) looks like a prison, as many of LAUSD schools look like and perform like. Akeelah attends a school that does not challenge her. The school does not expect her to excel. thus she feels trapped... bored and imprisoned. She resists by skipping classes, landing her in summer school.

... on youth resistance and mentorship... without mentorship Akeelah's resistance simply becomes self-defeating rather than transformative. with the mentorship of Fishburne's character, Akeelah becomes a vehicle for self transformation and community empowerment... transforming her entire community.

... on Ethnic Studies ... Dr. Larabee not only teaches Akeelah how to appreciate and deconstruct language and words, he exposes her to the works of African American scholars and leaders... I am disappointed that Akeelah did not read any bell hooks, Maya Angelou, or any other womyn of color works. Thus the audience again only hears about the usual Black thinkers - all men. Despite this blindspot, the film does a great job of presenting Akeelah's lessons on Black thinkers as equally important as learning about Greek, French, and Latin languages.

... on Cultural Wealth v. Cultural Deficiency... The movie does a good job of initially presenting the blight in the community... the troubles that engulf Akeelah's family - teen pregnancy, gangs, violence, and poverty. The mother, played by Angela Bassett, does not listen to Akeelah, because she (a widow) is busy working to support her family and trying to keep one of her sons away from the local street gang. When Akeelah comes home late from participating in a study group, her mom only sees the worst in her daughter's spelling bee aspirations. Initially, the mom is presented as unengaged and unsupportive of her... thus "deficient" in culture (an old white liberal argument).

The director then does a great job of showing the community cultural wealth and showing how the community and famiily isn't deficient. Rather, they haven't had anything hopeful and positive happen in such a long time... that when Akeelah begins to experience success the whole community begins to participate, is more than willing and able to participate. The people are not dumb. No "bell curve" here. It's not about something wrong with the culture in the community. It's about the messed up socio-economic and political structure imposed on this community that results in violence and schools that don't work. Suddenly the whole feel of the movie changes. From gloomy skies and lighting to sunshine. The entire feel of the film changes.

...on race... I cannot discuss race in this film without mentioning that the director, producers... almost the whole crew are WHITE! I wonder how the film would have been made had the crew been more diverse. In spite of the racial composition of the crew especially the writer/director, the film is able to convey a powerful message about California demographics and class. The feature characters from the wealthy 'burb are Latino and Asian American with mostly white kids around them. I find these very interesting choices. The youth of color from the 'burbs are still surrounded by white kids in their community, but the filmmakers have chosen to focus on the 2 youth of color. Javier has a crush on Akeelah. Do the filmmakers choose a Latino boy as the "love interest"/ally/friend, because a white boy would be too controversial/weird/overdone? Why not have Javier's character be an African American boy? Too complicating for discussions of race and class? Why is super/robot/over-achiever Dillon hapa? While Black and Latino stereotypes are challenged in the film, Asian American stereotypes of being "overdriven robots" who have dangerously and overly driven parents are not. Perhaps the presentation of Asian Americans would have been more balanced had the Asian grocer character been more prominent.

I was troubled by the presentation of the white principal and Black teachers. The teachers are the ones with the lowest expectations of the Black youth while the white male principal is presented as the idealistic white liberal who hasn't lost faith in the students. This... I'm very very skeptical about. Therefore, structure and power is somewhat absolved in creating poor schooling conditions. For examle, No Child Left Behind is only mentioned in a passive manner (how the school is losing resources because of low test performance - negative reinforcement measures)... it could have been more directly critiqued through the film. Thus the film, in the tradition of Coach Carter and Stand and Deliver, sends the message that "all you have to do is believe in yourself to make it in life." A more realistic and empowering message would be "the system is f'd up and works against you because you are poor and Black. BUT, you can work to organize the community to take back the system and change it to work for the community and our families."

The primary weakness of the film is that it does not explore in much depth why Akeelah's mom and Dillon's dad behave the way they do. This of course, is also my bone with academic research on Asian American youth... rarely do researchers ask the parents anything.

All in all, the film does a good job of presenting the racial and class terrain of Southern CA. My beef with the film has more to do with things that probably would never be presented in a movie. As it was, the filmmakers struggled for 4 years to come up with the $6m to produce the film. $6m, is of course, a very very small budget for a movie.

free the Jena 6

2007-07-10T21:15:38Z

listening to democracy now on kpfk, i heard about the jena 6.

click on the picture above for the news coverage.
send support to:
Jena 6 Defense Committee
PO BOX 2798
Jena, LA 71342

basically...
"Six black students at Jena High School in Central Louisiana were arrested last December after a school fight in which a white student was beaten and suffered a concussion and multiple bruises. The six black students were charged with attempted murder and conspiracy. They face up to 100 years in prison without parole. The fight took place amid mounting racial tension after a black student sat under a tree in the schoolyard where only white students sat. The next day three nooses were hanging from the tree."

One of the young men has been found guilty of aggravated assault and conspiracy by an all white jury last week, and faces up to 22 years in prison, and had poor court-appointed lawyer. Sentencing is at the end of the month.

place so messy

2007-06-18T00:33:44Z

wow... the place has been so neglected during this past quarter... it's ridiculously messy. but where do i start!?
so bad.

national spelling bee

2007-06-01T04:36:46Z

i think it's hilarious that the national spelling bee is now on primetime abc with espn sportscasters announcing. haha.
my favorite is joseph henares... pilipino american from Connecticut.

he's hilarious! when he was given "punaise" he asked for the definition, which is "bed bug". to which he responded, "i'd rather have 'bed bug' than 'punaise'". funny!

3 hours at traffic court on friday

2007-05-07T05:40:17Z

i have been utterly unproductive this weekend, and i blame it all on paris hilton.
i had a "fix it" ticket for my car's tall light. so i went to court on friday and what should have been a 30 minute visit turned into a 3 hour visit because they had to clear out the lobby area and make us common folk wait outside while miss hilton went up to her trial. LAME! plus, she was allowed to park her escalade right by the door in a FIRE LANE! so she just needed to run up the stairs into the building.

next time, before i go to court for a routine visit, remind me to check what celebrity is also going to court. welcome to LA!

returning to roots

2007-04-27T19:50:39Z

the suicide/shooting last week still has me all messed up emotionally and intellectually. i broke the news to the don about changing my dissertation yesterday. he was supportive... thankfully. i am looking forward to sharing with you all about my new project, but it's still a fetus :-) i'm hoping to share by monday. i hope to receive much feedback... i anticipate my acknowledgements pages to be hella long.

anyway... i'll be collecting data at acpa and naspa conferences next year! they are in boston and atlanta. when i found that out just now i think i almost pee'd my pants. this will be seriously about returning to my roots. havent' been south of virginia in over 6 years.

i know it's really early in the season...

2007-04-26T19:49:42Z

but... i am enjoying looking at the al-east standings with the yankees at the bottom and the red sox on top.
dice-k is such a CUTIE!

questions

2007-04-22T23:19:32Z

Cho was told to "Go back to China!"
So why isn't the public discourse turning to issues of racism yet?

200 people were massacred in Iraq on one day this past week.
Do these people not matter?

This week has been rough. It's sad to live in such a twisted world.

reflexion/action

2007-04-19T06:11:27Z

the last few days have been crazy. it's hard to believe that it's just wednesday. i feel really tense. i woke up monday morning to npr reporting about a domestic dispute resulting in a shooting. something in my gut told me "an asian guy is involved some how". I have no idea what triggered that thought. then my fear was confirmed.

like many, i'm left with a lot of questions.
1. why are they calling this guy "cho seung-hui" like hu jin-tao?
2. why did the s. korean gov't and korean consulate in los angeles apologize????
3. why didn't the media hang out in upper-middle class white communities and ask white men "what do you think about columbine or oklahoma city?" like they're doing in k'town los angeles and korean churches in orange county?
4. why isn't anyone acknowledging that amerikan society has something to do with the shooting? why isn't everyone slamming down the doors at the nra?
5. why are people actually blogging on the nytimes site saying "all professors and college students need to be armed with guns?"

the irony struck me that seung-hui cho was an asian guy who was an english major who attacked the building with engineering dept.

all this thinking has my head hurting.

i've decided to change my dissertation project. more on that later.

travel reflection: asian american ambassador

2007-04-16T03:38:07Z

"Chenda is Khmer in her heart even if she has never been to Cambodia." - Art Gallery sales lady

I noticed that I was a strange kind of ambassador during my travels. On the China Airlines plane the Taiwanese flight attendants were totally rude to me when I couldn't speak Mandarin. They'd be all nice in Mandarin, then I'd say "sorry, English please?" And then they would inevitably sigh really loudly and in an exasperated tone say "chicken or pork!" Then later I overheard one of them ask the white guy behind me, "sir, would you like some water?" Then I asked her the same thing, and she says to me, "the water fountain is right there, pointing behind us." So then I explained later to one of the flight attendants that I was Chinese, but that I was born and raised in the U.S. to parents from HK who spoke Canto with me. She told me, "you should learn Chinese." GAH! Additional irkness added to my attitude about Taiwanese folks... of course with the exception of all my beloved Taiwanese id'd friends :-) You are a credit to your people ;-)

My favorite experience as Asian Am ambassador was in Siem Reap, where I went into the Happy Cambodia Art Gallery.

Where I ended up talking with the sales lady, who was about 20 years old about Asian America. As I was looking at the art work we started a conversation. As is inevitable in every conversation I had with locals, a game of guess my ethnicity ensued. she asked me "Are you Chinese?" And I answered yes. About 15 minutes in, she asked me "OK, I know you're Chiniese, but WHERE ARE YOU REALLY FROM?" I had to chuckle about the irony of the question. So I explained my family's history to her. Then she asked, "so are any other Asians in the U.S.?" So I told her about Khmer friends from the U.S., especially about Chenda. She was in disbelief when I told her that Chenda has never been to Cambodia. So she said, "well I can tell you have Chinese and other Asian people and culture in your heart, so you are still Chinese in your heart. Your friend Chenda is Khmer in her heart." She was so happy to hear about Asian Americans valuing our ethnic heritage, because she said she noticed too many Khmer who would leave for Europe and not "keep Cambodia in their hearts."

So Chenda... you ever thought abotu opening a gallery in Cambodia? Cuz the owner of Happy Cambodia is a French Canadian dude who moved to Cambodia 12 years ago. But his "authenticity" as a Cambodian is proven by a letter from King Sihanouk, because the king likes Stefi's work. Seriously... this Stefi dude makes CRAZY MONEY!!!

CUTE - Baskin Robbins Commercial

2007-04-16T01:26:54Z

Love it.

i don't want to be here!

2007-04-08T02:41:07Z

i think my spirit and mind are still on a beach in cambodia. in just one week, thai and khmer will be celebrating their new year. for me, it truly feels like a new beginning has finally begun. i'm happy and relaxed. and i've been bitten by the travel bug. up next... BRAZIL! i was originally thinking peru and costa rica, but then i found out my friend J is going to Brazil for a month in the summer, so it would be cool to check that out. plus, it would be good to learn more portuguese than the cuss words i learned in school as a kid from my portuguese friends.

i really wish i wasn't in the states yet. 2 weeks is just too short. anyway... lessons learned...
1. race and ethnicity is definitely malleable. in thailand i was japanese. in cambodia, everyone knew i was chinese. but after several minutes of conversation, inevitably i'd be asked "no, really you're chinese? but where are you really from?" then in conversation with a group of khmer youth at angkor, by a pond, they told me that my skin color was white and that there were really only 2 groups of people in the world - local khmer and tourists, and that tourists were white, even the indian tourists during the winter. by the end of my cambodia trip, when i was in phnom penh, people thought i was khmer. and upon returning to bangkok, people thought i was thai. i did get one person in phnom penh thinking i was korean. apparently it's korean tourist season there.

2. voting is uber-important. i left one day right before local elections in cambodia. friends i made told me they were glad i was leaving befor elections because they expected violence and military intimidation during elections. when i was bussing from sihanoukville back to phnom penh, there were people streaming out of the city in anticipation of violence. 20 people in the mini vans and another 30 or so on top of the vans. one after the other. CRAZY! a few days after the elections i looked up news. despite violence and intimidation, people went en mass to the polling booths risking their lives to just VOTE! for many moments in cambodia i was ashamed to be american.

ok... i broke my promise of getting pictures up long ago... so, here are ... in the middle you'll find the crazy Frenchies